I don’t believe in dating.
I don’t believe in courting.
Before the hate mail starts coming please keep reading. (Mama, don’t hyperventilate, let me finish. ;-)
I don’t believe in the world’s standard called dating.
I don’t believe in what the world believes about courting.
So I’ll keep going. Take a deep breath. This post is not out to attack any one person. Any one decision. My blog is a place for my thoughts and convictions—thoughts and convictions others may or may not share. And honestly, what I’m about to share may change in my life depending on my circumstances. But these are my standards. These are my convictions. So with that disclaimer out of the way, I’ll keep going…
There has been some hot and heated discussion around the ‘net lately about courting, dating and how you should or should not do it. Funny thing is, a lot of this advice seems to come from us singles who haven’t really done too much of either. (Speaking for myself included).
I grew up with the thought that I would live at home until I got married and courtship would play a big part in that process. And yet, I’m now living in Colorado, a thousand miles from home, still single and any kind of relationship process is going to look a lot different.
The concept of “courting” is that much of it is done within the home of either her or him, group settings a very intentional way of getting to know someone. My dad always described this process as an “interview”—the most important one you’ll have of your life.
So many view this standard through the legalistic blinders. And yes it’s true, many people do take this a more legalistic direction. That’s their decision. And courtship can’t be viewed entirely out of the bias of one individual—though they are welcome to their opinion.
Dating on the other hand, to me, has a more worldly standard that I shy away from. A system that has sent our young people up to flit back and forth between boyfriend/girlfriend with no sense of commitment or stability. A mini “divorce and remarriage” every time you swap a significant other.
Can I propose (no pun intended) a completely new, different and fresh term? One whose definition is not skewed by bias or history or background? I think it has a catchy name too: “Dourting”.
This is what I want to do.
I’ll define “dourting” in a quick one phrase summary: “a chance for two people, of the opposite sex, to meet, get to know the other without the pressure of a ‘ring by spring’ mentality at the end, in a safe, comfortable environment for both parties with clear boundaries set in place, but an understanding of truly getting to know this person that you may end up committing yourself to.”
Sidenote: I tended to get, shall I say, a bit prolific in this post and went far over my 500 word limit. So next week I will continue the post series with a stronger definition of what "dourting" is exactly and how and where every relationship we walk into, whether it will become something more, should be centered around.
In the meantime, a question for you: what is your initial when someone says they are "courting" or if they say they are "dating".