When God Says Wait

I don't normally chat like this on Sunday, I consider it my day "off" from blogging, but there are times when words need to be released. Emotions hung out to dry and a good dose of finger wagging administered.

I think a few of you who patronize my blog are writers and some are members of ACFW right? This week is their annual conference. Hundreds of people attend, this is no small affair. Is home to two of the largest and more prestigious writing contests for unpubbed and pubbed authors and is filled to the gunnel's with authors, editors, agents and other newbies trying to find their way.

Need I say how bad I want to go??

Anxious. Determined. Pining. Gulp. Might I say a tad jealous? Do those even begin to describe me? Yeah, I am ashamed to admit they do.

I keep telling myself, "In God's timing." All will be well and good and I will get there in God's timing. There is obviously some reason for me not to attend this year, maybe not even next and it kills me to want to wait one more day, let alone another year.

I can berate myself up and down all day long that "there is obviously a reason to my not going. God knows best." And I will be the FIRST to say that He does. But that doesn't always help me in the here and now.

It's not easy to wait. Why can't waiting for God's timing be easy and emotion free?

Because then we, I, wouldn't grow.

And as hard as the next few days are or have been, I have to admit that God wouldn't be "doing" this to me if I didn't need to learn and grow from it.

I won't pretend it's easy. I won't pretend that I am fine. But I do know this: if I take my own path instead of the one God has laid out for me, I would miss some major blessings He has in store for me. And I would cheat myself of growing deeper in Him.

Besides it isn't just a want to go to the ACFW conference, I have a fear of attending too. Maybe this industry isn't for me. Maybe I really  don't  have what it takes.

I can grow SO much stronger between now and whatever conference year I attend. But wallowing in self pity won't get me there any faster. It just makes me weaker.

Are you suffering from conference woes? I still think we need to form some kind of group. "Conference Anonymous" or something like that. ;-)

And hey, be sure and check out this link tonight at 7:30 EDT. The ACFW Awards Banquet will be blogging live, so don't miss it!