All the Mr. Wrongs

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I love Jessica Patch. I mean seriously,
the woman has one awesome Southern accent.
She always makes me laugh and she packs a punch of truth.
This post...young ladies, take a look.
You want to check this one out... ;-)

I was watching Hannibal the other night (I’m still deciding if I like or not), I remembered when Silence of the Lambs came out and that got me thinking about romance—or the lack of. And that got me thinking about Mr. Right…and that led me to Mr. Wrong.

I was fifteen and my older sister set me up with her boyfriend’s older brother. And that’s what we went to see.

However, when we got to the ticket counter, the broad behind the window wouldn’t let me in. I wasn’t seventeen. Can I just say how embarrassing it is to be on a date with a guy who is older than you and not be allowed to go on that date—by a stranger! My sister, who has always argued in my defense, went to bat for me. “I’m twenty. And her sister. Can’t I get her in?”

No. She wasn’t twenty-one.

A lady behind me jabbed her finger into my lower back and spoke up. “I’m her aunt. I’m well over twenty-one, can I get her in?”

The ticket lady, with way too much power, frowned but let me in.

Pretty sure the woman behind me could’ve just whispered, “Just go with this.” Either way I was thankful, and the finger-sized bruise on my back was a reminder that people still lie, deceive, break the rules do nice things for others. Inside the theater, I was stoked to be on this date with this older guy…until he literally screamed like a four-year-old girl when Lector killed a guard. I. Am. Not. Kidding.

Hello, Mr. Wrong. I can’t be with a man who shrieks at scary movies. I’m thankful my Mr. Right is brave during movies and lets me squeeze the snot out of his hand.

The following summer, my sister forced me on yet another date. I didn’t want to go but she said, “If you go on the date with R, I’ll set you up with S.” This I could get with, as I’d been crushing on S for awhile.

R said about three words from the time he picked me up until the time he brought me home and the words were spoken from….The Burger Barn. Yes, you read that right. They were: “What do you want?”  On the way home—the sunroof open, silent tension hanging like fog over Scotland (Does fog hang over Scotland? I thought that sounded original.), he said, “Nice night for fishin’.”

Really? Is it? Um, do you see my big hair and fifty thousand bangles not to mention my hot pink jellies? Do I look like I fish? Do I? Do I?

Later, my sister tried to renege on setting me up with S because R told her I’d jumped out of the car before he could even get it stopped in the drive.

He’s right. I did. A goodnight kiss wasn’t part of the deal. And for a $2.00 burger, he didn’t even deserve a pat on the shoulder.

Hello, Mr. Wrong. I can’t be with a man who has nothing to say. I’m thankful my man knows how to carry on a conversation and is never at a loss for words. Though he says far fewer than me. So that’s a bonus. Good listener!

So she set me up with S. And that night my sister’s boyfriend gave me a piece of gum which I gladly accepted.

I had no intentions of jumping out of a moving car.

But when he slid into the backseat with me, his eyes grew wide and he frowned. “Have you been…eating popsicles or something?”

At that moment, my sister’s boyfriend cracked up and had my sister drop the passenger mirror window for my viewing.

My entire mouth, teeth, tongue…all royal blue. Trick gum. Not a nice gesture.

I almost jumped out of the moving car.

And later, I wished I had when he took me to a drag race. Yeah. Loud engines. Deaf ears. Freezing temps. He actually had the nerve to ask me if I’d had a good time.

No. No I did not. Crush over.

Hello, Mr. Wrong. I can’t be with a man who thinks I am one. (If you like these events, then this is not so much your Mr. Wrong as your Mr. Right—what if he’d taken you to the Opera? Ack!) I’m thankful my husband is romantic.

So I should probably have a point here. I don’t. These are random thoughts based on an episode of Hannibal. Well, wait a minute…hold the phone… how about this: “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9

Don’t fret if you get it wrong a few times. God will get you to the right destination. And hey, you’ll have fun stories to tell your kids friends and plenty of fodder if you’re a writer.

Thanks, Casey, for having me! You’re a ray of sunshine!

JessicaR. Patch writes inspirational contemporary romances laced with suspense and humor. A passion to

draw women into intimacy with God keeps her motivated, along with heaping cups of caffeine in the form of coffee. When she’s not hunched over her laptop or teaching the new & growing believer's class at her church, you can find her sneaking off to movies with her husband, embarrassing her daughter in unique ways, beating her son at board games and contemplating how to get rid of her irksome dog (she hasn’t attempted any of them…yet). She is represented by Rachel Kent of Books & Such Literary Agency.