Hundreds. I'm sure.
But blogging for me is almost therapeutic, so if I can't ever seem to get out of the same rut, ignore me and move onto the next blog. ;-)
God often says no. No because it's not the right time. No because it's not in His plan right now. I'll absolutely be the first one to raise my hand and state this. I'm the first one to tell myself that. I'm the first one to kneel and say "as hard as this in, I need this to be Your plan, not mine."
So why is no SO disappointing? I'm living with a no right now. A no to something I desperately wanted. I prayed about this. I turned it over. It was a long shot. The long and unanswerable silence has most likely proven to be my answer.
I'm not angry. Not upset. I knew I probably wouldn't get the answer I wanted. But still I clung to the hope I would.
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And that hurts to admit. I think probably at the gut that is what is the most disappointing. That I am disappointed. I should accept this and move on. Count this as an opportunity and learning experience.
Instead I'm wallowing in disappointment and yes...even a few tears. It's not a pleasant place to hang out. And it's not a place I like to visit.
So I have to accept. Accept and move on. I have to accept "no".
The thing is, when God's plans are better and bigger, they have to be good enough. They have to be perfect. Because they are. They. Are. Do I, as a human being, want to accept that? Nope. My post here today proves it. It's our nature. Doesn't make it right. But because of the fall, we are predisposed to want to argue about everything.
Life is ALL about waiting. There is never a day that won't encompass some kind of waiting. No matter what that is. Some days have bigger things we wait for than others. But it's all the same. All the time. I should be used to by now. I should be willing to accept it by now, but I guess I still have further to go.
Sigh.
So I'm trying. Taking one teeny tiny baby step at a time toward accepting no.
Praying for you, Casey. I have experienced the death of loved ones & the death of dreams. Both griefs--in their own way--caused pain and tears, stole my peace, and refused to let go of me until God's appointed time. Sometimes healing cannot be rushed. Every day is not always sweeter than the day before--but Jesus is. No matter what, Jesus is. Blessings, my friend!
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing wrong in admitting disappointment. You have the right attitude about the "no", even with a few tears :) You're a brave young woman, Casey and a child after God's own heart. Your testimony is always a blessing and encouragement!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, Casey! I know we've all been there and struggled through that! I think for me it's helped to remember it's not an angry no or an indifferent no. It's a loving no. A love so deep that it wants to take you to a fabulous destination down a rough path rather than taking the momentarily easier and happier way to get nowhere. (At least that's what I blogged about today!) Wishing I could give you a big hug right now!
ReplyDeleteThat's beautiful, Anne.
DeleteCase,
ReplyDeleteYou are one of my dearest friends. It breaks my heart to see anyone get a "No" for something they truly wanted. The pot holes in our life's journey are miserable. THANK GOD we have heaven ahead.
Very wise words for all of us Casey. None of us like to receive a "no" answer, thwarted in our plans for ourselves :( I like what you said "when God's plans are better and bigger, they have to be good enough. They have to be perfect. Because they are." I'm sorry that you have been disappointed but as you wrote God's plans are better than what any of us could ever imagine and He loves you so much that even disappointment will be used in your life to mold you into the woman that He wants you to be. Keep focusing on Jesus Casey, the author and perfecter of our faith :) Thanks for sharing this today! A Lesson we all need to be reminded of.
ReplyDeleteAdmire you for being able to see the bigger picture, Case! I struggle with it myself so much. Just know, you're not alone!
ReplyDeleteOh, Casey, I'm so sorry. Your hurt and your sadness, is so real and sometimes it just knocks us down more than we had anticipated. Hang in there, sweet one, and even this, even these days of uncertainty and perhaps questioning are part of your journey. Thank you for sharing so candidly. We've all had these moments and you are not alone. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your heart with us today, Casey. First of all, praying for ya, friend. "No" is never fun. But also, something I hope is encouraging (and not trite): It seems to me that so, so, so often "no" is the first step to a bigger "yes." I feel like a huge chunk of my life is testament to that...to God saying no to one thing only to show me a bigger and better and awesome yes. Sometimes weeks or months later...sometimes years later. There's one big no I've been living in for quite a few years now and it really hurt at first...but I'm convinced it's making way for a great, big, awesome yes.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I hope that doesn't come across as trite or annoying. And yes, I agree, we have to accept it when God says "no." I think it's okay to be disappointed and hurt on the way to acceptance...but here's praying and hoping God fills you with new hope and new excitement for whatever "yes" is down the road.
We had a pretty hard year last year. Lots of hurt and even more questions about Gods plan. The thing is, we don't often get the answers to why... But we cling to Him, trust Him. And then there are those beautiful moments of clarity that are a rare gift of hindsight where we can see how's hand over it all. Protecting us, writing a different and much better story that even we as writers couldn't justice.
ReplyDeletePraying for you Casey, and you keep up the good work because those baby steps will become larger steps. You are doing good! We all struggle with things everyday all of us do. So thank you for your story it will help a lot of other people that are struggling like you and they will know they can take baby steps too. Thanks again and i am praying for you, so keep up the good work, God bless you.
ReplyDeleteNorma Stanforth
Prayers and hugs, Case! "No"s are never fun or easy.
ReplyDeleteCasey, I 've had some No's in my life and it is devastating and seems almost the end of the world at times. But then God pointed me in another direction. I am reading a new book that I think may be of help to you. It is You're Made For a God-Sized Dream by Holley Gerth. Having a no can cause pain but it can also bring you closer to God and His true plan for you.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. I'm praying for you. Nos often ache.
ReplyDeleteSometimes we never learn why the answer is no.
Sometimes, we learn Nos make the yeses that much sweeter.
Blessings and hugs, Casey.