Hundreds. I'm sure.
But blogging for me is almost therapeutic, so if I can't ever seem to get out of the same rut, ignore me and move onto the next blog. ;-)
God often says no. No because it's not the right time. No because it's not in His plan right now. I'll absolutely be the first one to raise my hand and state this. I'm the first one to tell myself that. I'm the first one to kneel and say "as hard as this in, I need this to be Your plan, not mine."
So why is no SO disappointing? I'm living with a no right now. A no to something I desperately wanted. I prayed about this. I turned it over. It was a long shot. The long and unanswerable silence has most likely proven to be my answer.
I'm not angry. Not upset. I knew I probably wouldn't get the answer I wanted. But still I clung to the hope I would.
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And that hurts to admit. I think probably at the gut that is what is the most disappointing. That I am disappointed. I should accept this and move on. Count this as an opportunity and learning experience.
Instead I'm wallowing in disappointment and yes...even a few tears. It's not a pleasant place to hang out. And it's not a place I like to visit.
So I have to accept. Accept and move on. I have to accept "no".
The thing is, when God's plans are better and bigger, they have to be good enough. They have to be perfect. Because they are. They. Are. Do I, as a human being, want to accept that? Nope. My post here today proves it. It's our nature. Doesn't make it right. But because of the fall, we are predisposed to want to argue about everything.
Life is ALL about waiting. There is never a day that won't encompass some kind of waiting. No matter what that is. Some days have bigger things we wait for than others. But it's all the same. All the time. I should be used to by now. I should be willing to accept it by now, but I guess I still have further to go.
So I'm trying. Taking one teeny tiny baby step at a time toward accepting no.