A Month of Love and Marriage with Guest Deborah Raney

With the month of February upon us those who are single look toward loving and marriage and those you who are already married just look at us singles and smile, while shaking your heads. ;-) I didn't want to just focus on love, but also on marriage the joys and trials and the wisdom that can be shared from those before us. I know I think a lot about falling in love, but not a lot about what happens afterwards. What wisdom can be shared with those like me? I've asked Deb Raney, accomplished author, wife for 40 years and loving mom and grandmother to be my first guest this month in a month long series. Leave a comment below to enter to win your choice of any of the (released and yet to be released) in the A Year of Weddings Novellas collection.

My husband and I will celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary this year, so this question––What would you say to your younger self to better prepare for marriage?––is a timely one. 

I think there are three main things I would say to my younger self:

Deb and Ken...the newlyweds!

1. When you get married, it will be because you were attracted to that man exactly the way he was. So once you are married quit trying to change him into something he’s not! I don’t believe in love at first sight, but it was definitely intense like at first sight when I met Ken Raney. And yet, for some crazy reason, I spent the first decade of our marriage trying to make my shy, quiet, laid-back, non-social husband into someone more like…well, me! Bad idea. One me is quite enough, thank you very much! And besides, all those qualities my husband has are (as God well knew) perfect complements to my personality. We’ve always had a happy marriage, but once I figured out this important lesson, there was a lot more peace in our home!

Forty years later!

And you know what? It’s almost comical how Ken has become much more outgoing, social, and fun-loving, over the years, while I seem to become more non-social the older I get! God definitely has a sense of humor!

2. Don’t think that life will always be a picnic! Don’t be surprised when you go through trials and challenges. Don’t panic when “that lovin‘ feeling” fades a little. It will return, and your love for each other will grow deeper and more mature than you ever dreamed possible when you were in that giddy falling-in-love stage. It is always––always––worth it to slog through the hard times until you see the sun again. Until you find the Son again.

Over the years, I’ve talked to so many people––so many!––who wish they could go back and undo their divorce. Because you see, they bailed too soon. They couldn’t imagine ever getting through the hard times and finding joy again. But if they’d only waited a while, not made such a big deal out of little things, and forgiven the big things more quickly, they would have found that there’s a deep, deep love that waits just down the road from trouble.

3. Instead of looking at marriage as a safety net and a comfort zone, view it as an adventure! I think I sort of gave a sigh of relief when I said “I do.” I’d “caught” my guy, fulfilled my ultimate dream, and I was perfectly content to settle into a happily ever after. Little did I know the adventure was only beginning!

Deb and Ken's boisterous and fun-filled family!

But it didn’t always feel like an adventure. Sometimes it felt like a roller coaster (I don’t like roller coasters!) Sometimes (not often, but sometimes) it felt like drudgery. (I don’t like drudgery!) But if I’d learned to see every challenge as an opportunity to learn and grow, to discover all the treasures God had in store for me––for my love and me––when He sealed us in this marriage, oh, how much better that would have been. 

Thankfully, I figured it out sooner rather than later, and we’ve been on our wonderful adventure for many years now. I know it won’t be sunshine and roses every day, but I’m pretty fond of thunderstorms, and I don’t even mind pulling a few weeds now and then.

DEBORAH RANEY's first novel, A Vow to Cherish, inspired the World Wide Pictures film of the same title and launched her writing career after twenty happy years as a stay-at-home mom. She is currently writing a new five-book series, the The Chicory Inn Novels. Deb and her husband, Ken Raney, recently traded small-town life––the setting of many of Deb's novels––for life in the (relatively) big city of Wichita, Kansas. They love traveling to visit four children and five grandchildren who all live much too far away. Visit Deb on the Web at www.deborahraney.com.