We often measure success by who notices us, don’t we? It’s a
dangerous trap to fall into, but we all do it. At least, I know I do.
We become caught up in measuring our worth against what
other people notice or don’t notice about us.
Sister, can I be brutally honest with you? At the risk of
being labeled shallow and immature, I’m baring my soul.
I do this cycle of self destruction thinking most often when
it comes to guys.
When you’re a young, twenty-something female, eager to move
forward with your life, desiring to find the man you’re going to spend the rest
of your life with, wanting to settle down and start a family, it would seem
that many of the guys you come into contact with become possible suitors. At
least in your mind.
You consider who they are. How they act. Maybe what they do
for a living. How they treat other people. The words coming out of their mouth.
The godliness of their daily lives.
Maybe you start to think something along the lines of what I
do: This is a person I’d like to know
better.
Maybe you have that ring bought and on your finger already
during this train of thought, but can I dial you back a bit? You’ll only
experience heartache and frustration if you think in far more reaching terms
than just let’s get to know each other.
But about half way through this realization that this is a
person you’d like to know better, he isn’t reciprocating. Nope. To you, it’s
almost like you don’t exist or maybe just don’t matter to him in the same way
that you want to matter.
I can’t speak for what he’s thinking. Maybe he’s trying to
work up the courage to talk to you just as much as you’re over thinking any form
of interaction or connection with him.
I can only speak for my emotions in those situations and
it’s really easy to spiral down the
path of: what’s wrong with me?
Do I have a third alien nostril that only he can see?
There is nothing wrong with you.
Wait.
Stop.
Did you hear me? Let me say it again—repeating just as much
for me as I am for you.
There is nothing
wrong with you.
And there is nothing wrong with him.
Where the problem lies is not so often within the person,
but within the emotions and attitudes towards those people.
Our worth as women and daughters of the King, is not found
in whether the young man in our singles group notices us or not.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t want him too, but we can’t hang our security on what one
particular guy or even a society of people think about us.
Girls, these aren’t just empty words I’m writing on my
screen right now. I’m having to live them in real life color right now. I have
to remember daily—sometimes hourly—that while I do long to find that “Mr. Right”—Jesus
is always, first and foremost, the
only One I should ever measure my worth against.
And that’s hard.
I’m not going to be the first to raise my hand and say it’s
easy, because I’d be lying. And I don’t think this struggle is unique to just
me either.
So let me say it again, Sister, and let these words sink
deep within you: God has your future.
Your future spouse. Your future career. Your future dreams. And there is nothing wrong with you.
Keep shining that light for Jesus. The world needs more of you.
And the right guy is going to fall in love and pursue that
in you.
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