Two things I've never done before: I've never stayed out until 2 in the morning.
And I've never had a guy ask for my number.
Push them eyeballs back into their sockets! That is just plain unseemly. I might be young and live in the boonies,I just live in a bubble. Or so said guy told me. What's your point?
|Photo Credit Microsoft Office|
And no, I can't even pretend to dance like her... ;-)
Several weeks ago, I attended a barn/country dance with a couple other gals and stayed out until two in the morning. ((I like to say that just for the shock factor. ;-)) In between having all the guys begging (snort) me to dance, I took the 30% of my insecure self to the edge of the gym and enjoyed watching the much better dancers cut up the floor.
You have to understand my community. While I live in "town" there are scattered clusters of people all over our county. So while I live an hour away, most of these people don't know me. And I don't know them, except by either family name or reputation. ;-)
It's a comfortable setting. People laughing, dancing and having a good time. (some have too good of a time...) and visiting with people I'd never met before. So when I ended up next to a young man, only the two of us on the bleachers while our visiting companions jumped up to dance, we chatted. Asked each other what we did.
Then (name omitted to protect the innocent) who has the total Tall, Dark and Handsome thing going, leans in just a bit and asks after I made mention about the lateness of the hour..."So, what do you like to do?"
We were talking about social events, and thank goodness he thought it actually neat that I like to write, but really, this has been the only event I've ever attended without my family and stayed out so late. That 2 a.m. thing again.
"You really grew up in a bubble didn't you?"
"I was homeschooled." (And very proud of it, I take no apologies there. ;-)
Conversation ebbed and flowed, laughed and danced the last to final song. As we headed back to the bleachers and settled in, he leans in (really he had to, the music was loud) and asked, "So what would a guy need to do to get your number to maybe read some of your writing?"
I've given my number away one time before; yeah it wasn't so great to try to evangelize to someone when they just want to call for other reasons. Not a good equation.
So when he asked, it was like I got flashbacks. I might come on too strong. I might sound like the typical "girl-wants-to-get-rich-quick" scheme, but really what I want is the man who desires my heart second only after God. So I took a deep breath, smiled and said...
"You know, if you really want to get in touch with me, you're going to have to call my dad first."
"Okay." His phone is still open.
"It won't be easy."
Be afraid, be v.e.r.y. afraid.
Phone still open, finger still poised, but a bit of the edge gone.
"You can call him at his work and talk to him if you want, but he's my gatekeeper and that's how I like it."
I couldn't tell if he swallowed hard or not. But still I passed on the numbers. Told him to ask for David.
"I guess if I'm serious, I'll call."
"Yep, that's right."
Did you just hear that loud exhale? Yeah, that was me, moving the ocean. Do I want him to call? Yes. Absolutely! There was something about him I liked. Kind, proper, but a whole lot of other things the Lord would have to work on.
Does my heart struggle to turn that dream loose of someone actually being interested enough to call? Baby, does it ever! Have I had to let it go? Every. Single. Day.
Like pulling teeth from the bottom of my feet, but you know what I realized recently after being slapped with this experience? I don't want someone not serious. Should I apologize for laying all my cards on the table? For being upfront and honest, making him call Daddy before he can talk to me? No. I won't apologize. I learned about what I do and don't want to say next time, but I won't apologize.
My future husband, future courtships, etc, must be serious. Because I am. I don't take this lightly. I don't date for the "joy" or "fun" of it.
That doesn't mean my heart doesn't want him to call. That I wouldn't like to get to know him better. Quite the opposite, but no matter how many times the beat of my heart jacks up, waiting for that call that probably will never come, I realize one more time I'm willing to wait.
Because I'm not willing to settle.
It's a costly choice.