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I don’t know about you, but there are sometimes I just get
tired. Tired of people. Tired of the day life. Tired of being patient. Tired of
being pushed aside. Put on hold. Overworked and under-appreciated.
Wow! I promise I’m not like this all the time. Only once in a
while. ;-)
But it’s true right? We all go through periods of time when
we just throw up our hands and go, “really?”
“Really??”
And I get tired of “enough”. I would like to move to a new
place. Find a new job. Let’s just be 100% honest here: find a man.
Recently I was lying in bed, watching digit after digit tick
off the minutes I should be sleeping (after all 5:45 in the morning comes way too early) and trying to sort
through my list of emotions.
My dialogue with God kind of went like this: “God, why am I
here? What are You wanting me to learn right now? Can I be patient enough? Can
I invest myself in something I might never see a physical return on—especially when
I’m physically in a place I don’t care to stay?” Those questions apply to so
much in my life right now. Could I trade where I’m at right now?
Sure I could.
Probably would in an instant if such switch-a-roo were even
feasible, but since it’s not and I’m here for the time being, I had to pray one
verse: “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans for good and
not for harm. Plans to give you a hope and a future” (Casey paraphrase).
Coming off a difficult seven days last week it can be hard to
see the lights at the end of the tunnel for the darkness. It can be hard to
accept that not everyone sees in the same shade of colors.
And sometimes enough it just enough.
But that’s not where the story ends. It’s only the end if
that’s what you decide. But God has
bigger plans.
Better plans. And we all have a future. A glorious future. Where
we have the life we need. It might not be the life we want, but I would just bet that once we get there, perfect man or
not, the right job or not, different place to live or not, we’ll see it was all
worth it.
Until then, I’ll keep writing these posts to remind myself of
that. ;-)
{{{{hugs}}}} Casey! I completely understand. Yet those "enough!" times keep me (and you) in a good place of dependence on God, even though they aren't fun. Hang in there. You are right. God has more.
ReplyDeleteI was chatting with another friend a little bit ago about God being our REFUGE. And I think this probably has to be my favorite word in the Bible, God as our REFUGE in times of trouble and times of peace. It's such a comforting word for me.
DeleteSorry you're coming off a difficult week, Casey. Those blah seasons can be so...well, blah and annoying. But I love your perspective...and you're right, it's what we decide to to believe and act on in those seasons that makes the difference.
ReplyDeleteAnd you know what? This week actually was really good, it was last week that just left me at the end of my rope. I'm so thankful for the perspective that last week gave me for this week and the joy putting that week behind me, lessons learned to move onward!
DeleteI love you, Case! Your honesty is so refreshing. And God does have amazing plans for you. Sometimes his time frame is frustrating, but he's got only his best and most beautiful things paved for your future. I know this to be true. You just wait and be amazed!
ReplyDeleteI loved what you wrote to me on Facebook about the time of night right now, but a sunrise is soon coming. I LOVE, LOVE that. I think I need to print it out and put it on my work computer for the constant reminder. I needed that today. :)
DeleteYes, yes!! Great post and I love what Anne says here!!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jules. :-)
DeleteThank you Casey for your honest reflections. It's a good reminder that I'm not alone in my thoughts, dreams, and questions to God. I've pretty much said the same exact things to God at least once a month over the past couple of years since graduating from college. I've never dated and would love nothing more than to find that special someone that God has chosen for me, and boy do I feel like I am stuck in a rut of life when it comes to my job and other aspects of my life. I definitely have a hard time seeing the light through all that darkness, but then I have those moments, those brief glimpses that provide me with hope (most often it's "my kids" in Sunday school class--they definitely make my life better). And it's always good when I find others who struggle as I do. Then I know I'm not alone--I'm not all that strange after all. :-)
ReplyDeleteMallori you might has well be speaking what is in my heart and life every single day. But I had a friend email this to me the other day and it meant so much and touched me at the deepest level of need: For everything there is a season. Rest in this night season. Gods got an amazing awakening in store. But you've got to be in just the right place to fully appreciate the sunrise.
DeleteI LOVE the visual of waiting on the awakening. Good is coming, it's surrounding us right now, we just have to pick our head to see it. :-)
My friend-- God has great things in store for you-- man wise and writing wise. I believe it with all my heart.
ReplyDeleteSo do I, Jordyn. Can't wait to see you in a couple weeks!
DeleteYes, God certainly does have great things in store for you, Casey! Just continue to trust & believe that God has everything under control, & lasting happiness happens in His timing. Making our own decisions, & rushing into something else, instead of waiting on God's plan for our lives, can lead to a life-time of unhappiness & regrets. When you "let go, & let God" - often that perfect job & mate, etc. come when we least expect it!
ReplyDeleteI'd also like to add that things can change so fast. You feel you're in a rut for years, maybe, and then one day-- maybe even tomorrow-- your whole life changes. There is also the tactic of working a little each day to make it change. Hugs, Casey.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your efforts to pull together an ACFW group in the Spokane area. Connections and putting yourself out there are often what brings surprising change.