Like the fact that the job I’m in has never been an easy one or one I’ve absolutely loved, but looking over my shoulder to where I started, I can see where I have changed and matured in the position I’m in.
Or the fact that the last week I have spent fighting the need to wait and the struggle against patience and am now crawling out of that hole I found myself in and realizing this is my ground of proving.
Why can’t a time of proving ever be easy? Why does it so often have to include tears and claw marks and despair when all we want is to get to the other side of this battle and see the horizon on the opposite of the storm clouds?
The solution is, that none of the tears or despair or claw marks, have to be part of the problem if your heart is fallow ground, ready for the planting of the solution.
I’m a bottler. I bottle my emotions. I bottle my thoughts and keep them to myself. But not just from other friends and family, but I do the same from God.
Okay, stop laughing. Yes, I know good and well that God already knows what is going on in my heart, but when I try to keep it from Him, all I get is a soul full of heartache. But when I keep my heart and my thoughts and my prayers aligned with where I am right now and when I express my emotions to a Creator who loves me, I find a settling in my spirit that was never there when I tried to keep it all to myself.
Human bottling is only for the tears that God keeps on a shelf—not a single one is forgotten. I like to think He does the same for our dreams and desires. Bottling is not for the emotions that fester and wound our spirit. Those aren’t going to go away on their own and hanging onto them is only a handhold for the devil to swing from.
Hindsight is perfect. It’s that crystal clear vision I wish we could have now instead of the murky depths I so often feel as though I’m looking in to. So what I learned this week? It’s not the secreting that protects my heart: it’s the unveiling to the Lover of my heart. There is nothing quite so purifying as baring it all to the One who loves me most.