I’m thinking about packing. What books do I take? Will I get all my clothes into my car?
Can I get everything switched over on the Carol Awards to my new address?
Pretty much felt like this little clamper/pincher/staple puller
was headed right for my head the other night...
Millions of little tiny nothing tasks are racing through my brain, including but not limited to, paying my car insurance, getting reimbursed for the shopping I did for my current job, to answering the hundreds of emails that are stacking up between the two accounts I manage.
Can I just sit in the corner and cry now? I’m near to overwhelmed and feel the constriction of my lungs about to send me into hyperventilation.
A friend once told me that “I liked to be in control”. I admit it. I scoffed at him, on the inside of course, but me? Need to be in control? Surely you jest. I’m just fine with doing what I need to do when I need to do it. Control is the last thing I want. I’d rather see someone else hold the reins.
Yeah. I obviously don’t know myself that well and someone who had talked with me only twice, pegged me. That was a little hard to swallow, not going to lie.
But I realized last night as I was stressed about finishing all these little tasks and getting everything on my to-do list done, I had lost the excitement, the anticipation that was roaring around the corner and headed my way. I was worried about who would be taking over my two jobs that I’m leaving behind and would they do a good job? Would things fall through the cracks? Maybe I should just keep the one that I can do long distance to make sure everything goes right.
Now how in-control is that? That I can’t leave, knowing God is going to be taking care of everything that I’m leaving behind. I’m just me. A simple human being and yet I think I can do it better than God? I think that I’ve got this in control better than He does?
Well sit me down in my seat and tell me I need an intervention. So I stopped. I didn’t want to stop, after all, I had tons of things that I needed to finish and accomplish before bed time, not to mention exercising, finishing that review book and on and on the list goes…But I stopped anyway. And realized, if God’s hand is on this isn’t He going to give me the grace and the time to finish everything that I think is so important?
And if I don’t get that time, maybe I need to rethink my priorities…and focus more on the One who gave them to me to begin with. I don’t like feeling overwhelmed. I don’t like worrying that something isn’t getting done. But the hard solid truth? God’s got this. So why spend the time worrying when His peace He wants to give to me?