I got to attend church on Sunday. Some of you might be
cocking your head and thinking, “got to?”
See, I haven’t attended a church in over 14 years. Yes, you read that right. My
family and I did home church because there wasn’t a church we truly felt we
could attend in my home town. So when I moved to the thriving metropolis of
Denver, I knew the first thing I wanted to do was find a church. A church I could come home to amongst the pews. Hug the
friends I see as I walk through the doors and spend time before and after the
service visiting. A place I could lift my arms in praise to a Savior who died
for me. A place where I could be spiritually fed by a pastor who preached the
Word of God.
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| Photo Credit |
So you can imagine my dilemma to be in a strange place,
where I only know a handful of people and none of those handful go to this church and I’m sitting here on the
edge of my pew and hoping someone sticks out their hand and introduces
themselves (besides the part of the service when you turn around and smile at a
perfect stranger and shake hands and say “good morning.”)
I seriously sweat this part of the friend discovery. I mean,
I know, you don’t meet people unless
you introduce yourself around. How else is that supposed to work? Um hello,
blonde hair.
So do I stick out my hand and offer my name to a stranger
who looks half-way presentable and I’m interested in meeting? Nope.
*slicking away in shame*
And what it really comes down to? I’m scared. Nervous.
Worried. Yep. Worried. Worried it’ll be a waste of my putting myself out there.
They (whoever “they” is—we’ll pretend it’s a cute 6’, dark haired guy; not
really, but it’s fun to pretend. ;-) won’t remember me next time, find me
annoying and go out of their way to avoid me.
I’m jealous. Jealous of the friendships amongst my peers or
the friendships that just seem to click
by two people being put together in the right place at the right time. I guess
my blog is a day to lay all my flaws out there. Because really, it’s only more
harmful to sit on the edge of the pew, avoid the crowd and study the edges of
my toes when someone smiles my direction.
Why can’t I stick out my hand and say “great to meet you, I’m
Casey and I’m brand new here.” Because that takes vulnerability. An opening up
and allowing other fallible human beings into our lives, even just a little
bit. And vulnerable is not something I do well or easily.
So I’m standing here, gulping back my fear, worry,
jealously, putting out my hand, not to yank it back, and introduce myself to
someone I don’t know. I’ll let you know how it goes…
Oh help.
Tweet: What freaks you about making friends? Is it the vulnerability or the fear? @C_Herringshaw http://ctt.ec/1jpNt+
I hear you when it comes to meeting new people, it is difficult for me to come up to someone and introduce myself, I tend to hold back.
ReplyDeleteSame here. Definitely. But you miss out on so much more when you don't put yourself out there to meet people.
DeleteYou can do it Casey!! It takes a lot of guts, but you just might find a new friend who sticks closer than a sister! That will be worth it!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Beth. I know, you are very right. I just have to DO IT now. LOL! That should be on a t-shirt... ;-)
DeleteOh, Case ... all you have to do is reflect on God's goodness and remember the friends He already HAS brought into your life -- dear friends who view YOU AS a deep and wonderful treasure in their own lives (like me!), and you just HAVE to know His goodness does not end there. He's done it before -- He will do it again. In the workplace, in your apartment complex/neighborhood, in your church. You are a gift, my friend, and God is a God who shares His gifts with others. Get ready to be given away to the people who need you the most! :)
ReplyDeleteLove you!
Julie
And I am so grateful for your, my dear friend. It's with friends like you that I feel so blessed and you'll never know what that does for me--in more ways that you would know or expect. It's the meeting and making new friends, when you don't know anyone that is so hard for me. I am so glad ACFW is in St. Louis this year so I will see you!! ♥
DeleteMy blog this week was on being vulnerable with our friends (www.talkingamongfriends.com). I'm a bit shy, too, and yes, people laugh at that. Take a chance, Casey. Remember God's got this and He's holding you!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Becky. I'm so glad to count you amongst my friends now. :)
Delete1) You've so got this. You're going to do great. Even though I don't know you as well as some, I know you have so much to give! New friends will be lucky to meet you.
ReplyDelete2) I'm calling it now with these ACFW friends as my witness:
Someday you are going to have an amazing real-life meet cute :)
LOL! Oh Laurie, I owe you a great big hug for this comment, so let's make a date of it at ACFW shall we?
DeleteI hear you . . . honestly, I think the worst thing about moving is finding a new church and making a home there. I'm still working on it after more than two years, but I've learned that getting involved in a small group creates a more intimate setting conducive to genuinely meeting people. It seems like something about the size obligates them to talk to you, whereas at a Sunday service everyone assumes that "someone else will do it" and no one does. I joined a sewing/crafting group at church (nope, not even a bible study, since they don't work with my schedule). Hardly anyone my age knows my name, but there's at least half a dozen ladies the same age as my mom who watch out for me. It's a start!
ReplyDeleteI want to get involved with a small group and the singles group I've been trying out has talked about doing this, so I'll be putting myself out there to get involved with that for sure. It's this Sunday when I meet the singles group for the next time for church and lunch afterward that I'm kind of sweating. :-/
DeleteI totally understand. I get along with people just fine as long as I know them. But stick me in a room of people I don't know and it becomes painful. Usually someone introduces themselves and I can start up a conversation that way. But if it's left up to me to initiate, then it's an arduous endeavor just to walk up to a stranger, stretch out my hand and say "Hi".
ReplyDeleteOh it's BEYOND painful. I have to say, that I was going to step out of my comfort zone to meet you at ACFW last year before Cheryl led the way, so I just have to channel that motivation and I'll be fine...maybe. Maybe...Why does this have to be so hard for people like you and me??
DeleteIts hard to change churches and hard to move, but I am praising Jesus for your church home!!! God doesn't want you isolated, he has a good plan with all the people he's put in your life, including those at your church. It takes time to make friendships, time to put yourself out there and courage, but I know you have both those things in spades, my friend. I find it hard to reach out beyond myself but the rewards are so great when we do.
ReplyDeleteTime is one thing I'm not good about giving myself. I want things too instantly which is my biggest downfall, I know. But like you said, I am so, SO glad to have a church to go to and worship in. Sunday has become my favorite day of the week again. It's an incredibly wonderful thing for me now. I am so thankful.
DeleteI am so right there with you, Casey. And I've been going to our current church for 3+ years. :/ You graciously & transparently put into words what I can only tear my hair out when I try to explain it.
ReplyDeleteKeep on keeping on ... & I'll do the same. <3
It's a pack, Meghan. We'll have to keep each other pushing forward and stepping out of our comfort zone in little ways. :)
DeleteI can very much relate to this.There have been times in my life where I've felt more alone in a sanctuary full of people than home by myself. As others have mentioned, getting involved in a small group at church will enable you to get to know people better than just greeting them in the service. One of my favorite small groups is my book club. I've met some really wonderful women that I might not know otherwise.
ReplyDeleteIt will get easier. Just be the wonderful person God made you to be. Others will respond. Blessings to you.
Thank you for the encouragement, Pam. I really needed that comment, so thank you. And I didn't think about getting involved in a book club! I had forgotten about that option living in a bigger city. Thank you for that reminder. :-)
DeleteCasey, Had to check on my Colorado gal:) It's so exciting to see how things are unfolding for you - your courage and heart in this mean so much! They shine especially in the newness of everything. Love thinking of you being in a church building after home church - a lovely picture! Prayers with you every step, always...
ReplyDeleteI was thinking about you a great deal this week, Laura. Thank you for coming by to comment and "see" me today. You know whatever I say in this post about meeting people, I am so glad to be able to attend a church and be in a community where I have this opportunity. :-)
DeleteCasey, I SO get where you're coming from! Many of my close friends moved away after college, then of course I have my dear Alley Cat friendships, and it's become increasingly more difficult to establish real-life friendships because my daily life no longer puts me around a lot of people my own age. But you should know that you are adorable, so likable, and just generally great-- so I'm sure it'll be no time before you find yourself grounded in a new social group. And what lucky ducks those people will be! :)
ReplyDeleteHelo Casey. So good to know you though your profile on the blogger. I am also glad to stop byt your blog "'Wriging for Christ" (The audience of one) and the post on it "The Saga to make new friends Yay or Nay". It was worth reading and I can uderstand your situation being shy. It would be great if you come to Mumbai, India on a short / long term missions trp to work with us in the slums of Mumbai amongst poorest of poor to share the good news of Jesus and give them new life, hope and futures. I am sure the Lord would bring you out of your shyness and will help you to reach out to the people who are poorest of poor. I am in the PASTORAL ministy for last 35yrs in the great city of Mumbai a city with great contrast where richest of rich and the poorest of poor live. We reach out to the poorest of poor with the love of Jesus Chirst to bring healing to the broken hearted. We also encourage young people as well as aduls from the West to come to Mumbai on a short / long term missions trip to work with us during their summer/ christmas vacation. We would love to have you come with your friends to work with us during your summer / christmas vacation. I am sure this will be a life changing experience for you. My email id is: dhwankhede(at)gmail(dot)com and my name is Diwakar Wankhede. Looking forward to hear from you very soon.
ReplyDeleteHi, Casey!!
ReplyDeleteYou're experiencing so many changes right now, it can be over-whelming for even someone who isn't shy. However, you will find so many wonderful things to experience through a church, and the singles group is a perfect start towards getting to know the people in your church. It's also a wonderful place to search for God's mate for you!!
You will be fine - God will give you the confidence, and the words to say to those strangers (who will quickly become your friends) - you need just open your mouth and stay close to Him!! As you've already found out, friends with spiritual connections are the best friends of all!!
I'm excited for you, Casey, and I love you!!
You know what's funny. I can be outgoing when necessary and have no problems talking to people but I too have issues making friends. I think it's hard no matter where you fall. Hard because you have to put your heart out there and hope someone likes you enough to hang and care back. Good luck to us both. :)
ReplyDeleteOh Casey, I'm praying God will send you divine appointments created just for you and only for you--and well, of course the friend who will have the amazing chance to share life with you! Joy and sweetness are my first impressions of you online, and there just simply isn't enough of that quality in the world today. Shine bright dear friend, and hold on to your roots. You'll be fine.
ReplyDelete