I had a revelation the other night, driving home through the darkened streets of my new Colorado town.
It’s not about me.
Wow. Big shocker and original thought, I know.
I’ve been blessed to meet and get to know some great guys in my twenty-three years. Maybe there is hope yet for our world…But the thing of it is? None of these guys could be my “Mr. Right”. Maybe one of them is. Maybe not.
The more time I spend around the young men that walk across my life, the more God guides me—the more I realize…It’s not all about me.
One of the most passionate posts I have written on my blog was this one: Don’t Ruin My Man.
Don’t intentionally hurt the man I will spend the rest of my life with. I might not have met this man yet, but nothing makes my hackles rise more than knowing some girl willingly strung a guy along, only to hurt his heart because of her own selfish desires.
Not every girl is like that. But sometimes things end badly and my heart breaks for those guys stuck on the other side.
Guys are not fragile creatures. But they do invest so much into wooing a girl. Pursuing her.
As a single girl, I often lose focus and think it’s all about me. What makes me desirable and interesting enough for a guy to know me. But it’s just as much about him too. He’s not a brainless machine aiming to win a girl’s hand so he can move on with life.
He’s putting his heart on the line, just as much as I am. And we forget that. We forget that guys are just as wounded when things end badly. They have desires and dreams too—desires and dreams they want us to fit into.
I’ve watched man after man walk into my life, in some way, aching from the painful breakup or relationship in his past. And I hurt for him.
I hurt for the pain he had to endure. For the way his heart was handed back to him.
And I realized in this not being all about me and what I want in Mr. Right—maybe he needs to see beyond the pain to a girl with a heart purely chasing after God. Maybe he needs to see that there is more to the girls of this world than the one that hurt him, and he can be valued and treasured just as highly as we want to be.
Truthfully: this is the hardest thing I have ever done.
Because it means setting aside my desires and attractions for the sake of showing a Christian love to the young men I interact with.
So I’m praying for his wife.
And she might not be me.
But one I thing I do know: she will be an incredibly blessed woman. And I’m praying that when he finds her, she will change his life in ways he never would have expected.
Every time I have been caught up in a crush, flirtation entanglement and desires overwhelming my heart, but am never sure if they are being returned or noticed—I stop. I give his wife and that future over to God.
Because I would want another girl doing the same for me.
We don’t know the lives that touch our future spouse until we arrive in each other’s lives. I don’t want to be one of those people who hurts someone, even unintentionally.
So I’m praying for his wife.
That she will be worthy and realize the treasure she will find.
Even if she isn’t me.
Especially if she isn’t me.
When I do this, my entire perspective changes and God’s peace breathes over my soul.
It’s not about me. It’s not about impressing him. Or getting his attention. It’s about shining God’s love into a heart that has been hurt. Because we all have in some way. So I’m praying my life will encourage and uplift his. Because really, what else is more important than that?