We often measure success by who notices us, don’t we? It’s a dangerous trap to fall into, but we all do it. At least, I know I do.
We become caught up in measuring our worth against what other people notice or don’t notice about us.
Sister, can I be brutally honest with you? At the risk of being labeled shallow and immature, I’m baring my soul.
I do this cycle of self destruction thinking most often when it comes to guys.
When you’re a young, twenty-something female, eager to move forward with your life, desiring to find the man you’re going to spend the rest of your life with, wanting to settle down and start a family, it would seem that many of the guys you come into contact with become possible suitors. At least in your mind.
You consider who they are. How they act. Maybe what they do for a living. How they treat other people. The words coming out of their mouth. The godliness of their daily lives.
Maybe you start to think something along the lines of what I do: This is a person I’d like to know better.
Maybe you have that ring bought and on your finger already during this train of thought, but can I dial you back a bit? You’ll only experience heartache and frustration if you think in far more reaching terms than just let’s get to know each other.
But about half way through this realization that this is a person you’d like to know better, he isn’t reciprocating. Nope. To you, it’s almost like you don’t exist or maybe just don’t matter to him in the same way that you want to matter.
I can’t speak for what he’s thinking. Maybe he’s trying to work up the courage to talk to you just as much as you’re over thinking any form of interaction or connection with him.
I can only speak for my emotions in those situations and it’s really easy to spiral down the path of: what’s wrong with me?
Do I have a third alien nostril that only he can see?
There is nothing wrong with you.
Did you hear me? Let me say it again—repeating just as much for me as I am for you.
There is nothing wrong with you.
And there is nothing wrong with him.
Where the problem lies is not so often within the person, but within the emotions and attitudes towards those people.
Our worth as women and daughters of the King, is not found in whether the young man in our singles group notices us or not.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t want him too, but we can’t hang our security on what one particular guy or even a society of people think about us.
Girls, these aren’t just empty words I’m writing on my screen right now. I’m having to live them in real life color right now. I have to remember daily—sometimes hourly—that while I do long to find that “Mr. Right”—Jesus is always, first and foremost, the only One I should ever measure my worth against.
And that’s hard.
I’m not going to be the first to raise my hand and say it’s easy, because I’d be lying. And I don’t think this struggle is unique to just me either.
So let me say it again, Sister, and let these words sink deep within you: God has your future. Your future spouse. Your future career. Your future dreams. And there is nothing wrong with you.
Keep shining that light for Jesus. The world needs more of you.
And the right guy is going to fall in love and pursue that in you.