Friday, May 31, 2013

All the Mr. Wrongs

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I love Jessica Patch. I mean seriously,
the woman has one 
awesome Southern accent.
She always makes me laugh and she packs a punch of truth.
This post...young ladies, take a look.
You want to check this one out... ;-)

I was watching Hannibal the other night (I’m still deciding if I like or not), I remembered when Silence of the Lambs came out and that got me thinking about romance—or the lack of. And that got me thinking about Mr. Right…and that led me to Mr. Wrong.

I was fifteen and my older sister set me up with her boyfriend’s older brother. And that’s what we went to see.

However, when we got to the ticket counter, the broad behind the window wouldn’t let me in. I wasn’t seventeen. Can I just say how embarrassing it is to be on a date with a guy who is older than you and not be allowed to go on that date—by a stranger! My sister, who has always argued in my defense, went to bat for me. “I’m twenty. And her sister. Can’t I get her in?”

No. She wasn’t twenty-one.

A lady behind me jabbed her finger into my lower back and spoke up. “I’m her aunt. I’m well over twenty-one, can I get her in?”

The ticket lady, with way too much power, frowned but let me in.

Pretty sure the woman behind me could’ve just whispered, “Just go with this.” Either way I was thankful, and the finger-sized bruise on my back was a reminder that people still lie, deceive, break the rules do nice things for others. Inside the theater, I was stoked to be on this date with this older guy…until he literally screamed like a four-year-old girl when Lector killed a guard. I. Am. Not. Kidding.

Hello, Mr. Wrong. I can’t be with a man who shrieks at scary movies. I’m thankful my Mr. Right is brave during movies and lets me squeeze the snot out of his hand.

The following summer, my sister forced me on yet another date. I didn’t want to go but she said, “If you go on the date with R, I’ll set you up with S.” This I could get with, as I’d been crushing on S for awhile.

R said about three words from the time he picked me up until the time he brought me home and the words were spoken from….The Burger Barn. Yes, you read that right. They were: “What do you want?”  On the way home—the sunroof open, silent tension hanging like fog over Scotland (Does fog hang over Scotland? I thought that sounded original.), he said, “Nice night for fishin’.”

Really? Is it? Um, do you see my big hair and fifty thousand bangles not to mention my hot pink jellies? Do I look like I fish? Do I? Do I?

Later, my sister tried to renege on setting me up with S because R told her I’d jumped out of the car before he could even get it stopped in the drive.

He’s right. I did. A goodnight kiss wasn’t part of the deal. And for a $2.00 burger, he didn’t even deserve a pat on the shoulder.

Hello, Mr. Wrong. I can’t be with a man who has nothing to say. I’m thankful my man knows how to carry on a conversation and is never at a loss for words. Though he says far fewer than me. So that’s a bonus. Good listener!

So she set me up with S. And that night my sister’s boyfriend gave me a piece of gum which I gladly accepted.

I had no intentions of jumping out of a moving car.

But when he slid into the backseat with me, his eyes grew wide and he frowned. “Have you been…eating popsicles or something?”

At that moment, my sister’s boyfriend cracked up and had my sister drop the passenger mirror window for my viewing.

My entire mouth, teeth, tongue…all royal blue. Trick gum. Not a nice gesture.

I almost jumped out of the moving car.

And later, I wished I had when he took me to a drag race. Yeah. Loud engines. Deaf ears. Freezing temps. He actually had the nerve to ask me if I’d had a good time.

No. No I did not. Crush over.

Hello, Mr. Wrong. I can’t be with a man who thinks I am one. (If you like these events, then this is not so much your Mr. Wrong as your Mr. Right—what if he’d taken you to the Opera? Ack!) I’m thankful my husband is romantic.

So I should probably have a point here. I don’t. These are random thoughts based on an episode of Hannibal. Well, wait a minute…hold the phone… how about this: “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9

Don’t fret if you get it wrong a few times. God will get you to the right destination. And hey, you’ll have fun stories to tell your kids friends and plenty of fodder if you’re a writer.

Thanks, Casey, for having me! You’re a ray of sunshine!

JessicaR. Patch writes inspirational contemporary romances laced with suspense and humor. A passion to
draw women into intimacy with God keeps her motivated, along with heaping cups of caffeine in the form of coffee. When she’s not hunched over her laptop or teaching the new & growing believer's class at her church, you can find her sneaking off to movies with her husband, embarrassing her daughter in unique ways, beating her son at board games and contemplating how to get rid of her irksome dog (she hasn’t attempted any of them…yet). She is represented by Rachel Kent of Books & Such Literary Agency.


  1. Oh my gosh, yes. I am with you. Definitely Mr. Wrong.

    1. And yet now she has her "Mr Right". Love that HEA ending best of all!

    2. I know! Blech and that's just three, but I didn't want anyone to think, "Jeez, how many dudes did that chick date?"

  2. Sooo funny, Jess!! (Hi Casey!!) I had quite a few Mr. Wrongs too. Dinner and a movie does not equal McDonald's and chewing your Big Mac with your mouth wide open so I can see the digestive process--at least not in my world!!

    Have a great weekend!

    1. LOL! (oh gross) and yet...LOL!

      A lovely weekend to you too, Jill!

    2. OMW! Uh, no, no it does not. I may have vomited in my mouth a little after reading that. lol

  3. You. Are. Hilarious. I loved this so much. Here's the thing with Mr. Wrongs...they make for awesome stories down the road. :)

    1. Isn't she?? I think she needs to take over my blog more often. ;-)

    2. I'm glad you did! Oh they most certainly do and each one has probably surfaced in some way in each ms!

  4. Hi everyone! I'm here and I'm chewing gum but my lips aren't blue! Woot! Thanks so much for having me, Casey! You say the nicest things about me. And I'm in a really great mood today so you'll have to suffer through the exclamation points!!!! ;)

    1. I LOVE good moods!!!!!!! ;-) Besides, we aren't allowed to use these things in fiction, but there is a no holds bared on my blog. ;-)

  5. What a fun post, Jess. Thanks for starting my day with laughter. I'm so glad you found your Mr. Right and that he's a romantic who knows how to talk and wouldn't think of dragging you to a drag race.

    1. Don't you just love her?! Yeah, a romantic guy who knows our heart's romance is something else.

  6. Oh my goodness, Jessica you are a fun read. I mean...every single word. I think we can all relate with our own stories of past dates. A good man is worth waiting for.

  7. Oh. My. Gosh! I can see we are going to get in sooo much trouble--er, have so much fun--as ACFW roomies this year! hahahaha

    Seriously loved this post! After having so many bummer dates, the first thing I asked my good friend after setting me up on a blind date once was, "Look--is he a Christian?!" (You would have thought I'd gotten a clue as to why previous Mr. Wrongs hadn't worked out.

    Mr. Blind Date eventually became my husband! =)

    1. LOL! Oh goodness, that room won't be safe!! Cynthia, sounds like I need to do a series of "Mr. Wrongs" and have you share your stories. I bet you'd have some fun ones to :)

  8. Jess,
    You almost lost me at "Hannibal" because I didn't see the movie -- and I don't watch the TV show. Sorry.
    But hey, a few sentences into your post and the whole "Hannibal" reference was forgotten as I read about all those Mr. Wrongs. And yes, I laughed.
    But I get the feeling you're laughing too.
    I had my share of Mr. Wrongs too. There was the much older guy who was the friend of the much older guy my girlfriend was dating. Um, yeah. Mr. Aggressive...wanted one thing. I spent the entire evening fending him off. That was fun.
    Thanks for the laughter today, Jess.

    1. And now you have a man who literally stands or lies by your side no matter what. Ah! That's something else.

      I love having Jess around. She always makes me happy. Supremely happy.

  9. HA! Oh makes me laugh as I remember my Mr. Wrongs too--and sure does make me appreciate my Mr. Right;)

    1. Good enough reason to have to suffer through, methinks. ;)

  10. I'm laughing still! This post about the Mr. Wrongs in your life just cracked me up. Just want to say, you were not alone!! I've had a few Mr. Wrongs in my life!

    Judy B

    1. That's just like Jess! Make you laugh in person and on the page/screen. It's only a matter of time until we have one of her books!!

  11. OH. MY. GOODNESS!! If I didn't know this was posted by Jessica, I would have thought I'd written it ... all except the blue gum and Hannibal Lector!! My experiences with dating were much the same, especially the silent date!!

    JESSICA!!! I love, Love, LOVED this piece and grinned ear to ear while reading it. Your books sound like they would be hilarious, so I trust Casey will let us know when they are available for purchase.

    I had to laugh at your recurring line: Hello, Mr Wrong because I had a girlfriend at work who always joked about Mr. Right and Mr. Wrong. She'd say that until Mr. Right came along, she'd settle for Mr. Right Now. Uh, she wasn't a Christian, sorry to say ...

    Great post, Jessica and Case! :)


    1. Hello Jules!! You're always so awesome for stopping by. :) I knew the minute I read this post after she sent it to me that I'd love it and my readers would too. What great conversation sparked by this post!


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