Can my future husband please be in this room and hear this??”
Bible study. Tuesday night. A room full of single young people studying the book of Ephesians, specifically the chapter of wives submitting to their husbands and men loving their wives as Christ loves the church. Not your typical class structure for a singles group, but something we often tend to ignore in core groups until we’re ready to walk down the aisle.
As a young woman, how often do you run into young men walking in the Biblical model of manhood? Being trained—or learning from a godly mentor how to be the leader of his home—the father who leads his children in Christ and the man his wife gladly submits to and respects?
I certainly don’t run into very many. And those that I do are a rare breed.
We just aren’t teaching our young men to step into and command this role. And we’re not teaching our young women to step back and let him. We’re not teaching our young women to let the man take the first step, to cross the line of initiative and pursue the girl.
As girls, we want to be pursued. We want a guy who wants to put effort into getting to know us. But we’re not always the most patient. We’re not wanting to wait around for a guy to…well…grow a backbone. Or learn enough about you to realize you're not out to run over the top of him.
As I sat in the class and looked around the circle, there were a few pairs sitting together throughout the room, but most of are unattached—looking to become attached. And the leader’s wife pipes up from the back of the room, giving us a speech I could have stood to my feet and cheered to.
Our guys have to grow a backbone.
Our girls have to let them.
Our situation of guys stepping to the side, more comfortable with not taking the lead, is not all their fault. It’s us--as women-- not letting them step into the lead. When we rush God’s timing and hurry ahead of what He has for us, we run over the top of the plans He has for us. We run over the top of the God-ordained structure of what the marriage relationship needs to look like.
It’s not just “getting the guy” and having the grand plan of letting the guy take the lead—because if you’ve been directing the chariot, what makes you think the man you’ve got is going to take over now? He’s not being demanded to step into his godly role.
Is it hard to wait for a guy to actually step forward? Sure. I never said this would be easy. Can’t even pretend that something like this is.
We have a tide in our culture that is turned against the godly structure of a courtship and marriage relationship.
It stops here. It stops now. At our choosing to step back—hard as that is—and letting our men step forward. At praying for the man who will enter our lives and our being submissive enough to wait. Submissive to God in trust for His provision. And submissive enough to step back. Let the man take the lead and trust that God is taking care of every detail—including when He brings the right man into our lives.