I don't believe in long term dating.
I actually don't believe in dating at all, but rather this concept called courting, but that's another post for another time.
Why don't I believe in long term dating? It's not so much a matter of not believing in it, because there are good and valid reasons why a couple have not married yet. My challenge is for all the other reasons. A couple questions always tend to come to mind when I run into these couples who are still dating after being together for years.
- Are you not committed to each other? Why haven't you made that decision of commitment or you are just hanging in there, someplace in the back of your mind, are you waiting or hoping for someone better?
- Which leads to my next question: are you thinking you are settling by marrying this person? If you do, then why are you still together? Why are you still investing your heart?
- Is there no sexual attraction? The couples I run into, the circles I tend to make friends in, are waiting, holding themselves pure for their future spouse. Are you just great chums and like to hang out, or are you actually serious about this getting married thing? They why aren't you?
- This isn't a question of whether or not you might love someone. I think if you spend a great deal of time with them, call each other "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" you probably at least profess to love them. So are you spending your time getting to know this person, for all intents and purposes interviewing them to see if they could be your future spouse?
- There is something to be said for spending a great deal of time with a person to know who they are. The character of that person. And there is also something to be said for realizing this could be the person you could marry and spend the rest of your life with. You might "get to know" someone by hanging out and doing social things together, dating etc. But you don't get to know the character of someone in most social settings. Do you know how this person is going to respond in a tough spot?
Because you are spending time, getting to know, investing in someone else's husband. Someone else's wife.
If we think this person could be our spouse, why aren't we investing more of ourselves in that person? Why aren't we being more serious about finding out if we're good together, starting this thing called life?
Are we a generation frightened of commitment? Or are we just lackluster in our drive?