I had an interview today (on the day I wrote this post). My stomach was in knots. I kept glancing at the clock, knowing that when noon rolled around I was going to be opened up and examined. Would I measure up?
That last hour I thought would never end—and yet going way too fast. I gulped hard and told my boss I had to leave for lunch. Headed out to my car and stared at the phone in my hand. “God, please help this to go okay, give my mouth brakes and my heart wisdom to say what I need to say.”
I wanted this so bad. It was the job I could see myself doing for years—had dreamed of doing for the same amount of time. But it meant so much change. Was I brave enough to take that leap and just do it?
I got to thinking…why was I so nervous? Sure I was about to do something I wasn’t terribly familiar with: interviewing. Nothing does things to the inside of my stomach like knowing I have to do an interview or have a confrontation. If I had prayed about this conversation that hadn’t happened yet—dedicated this time to God—if I had emailed my friends and asked for their prayers—knew I was going into this conversation completely covered in prayer, then why was I so worried?
Two nights before I had written this in my prayer journal: God I cry my fears to you. I lay them at your feet. If I do or if I don’t get this opportunity. Whatever happens, I threw my nerves and frustrations and doubts at God’s feet and determined to walk away.
I was rebuking the nerves and standing strong in God’s strength. This wasn’t about me. This interview could go anyway it wanted, but if I was trusting God to lay all the pieces out in front of me, then I was trusting—and releasing—all the tension and nerves that were fluttering in my insides.
When we rebuke fear and stand in God’s love and protection, we don’t have to rely on our strength or our power or our way with words to make something work. If we’re going to do this thing of walking in God’s leading, then we have to trust that He’s got everything, so why are we nervous?
Sure, I wanted to sound good. Hopefully I did. Sure, I would love to have the job. Would be devastated if I didn’t. But really, if I didn’t, then God has better ahead. I can’t see it, but where I’m at is where God has me for a reason. To teach me a lesson that will draw me closer to Him and His plan for me.
My lesson today? It’s okay to express my fears to God. Throw them at His feet. He knows them anyway. It’s my life lesson to trust His place for me today and throw all that fear away. It’s time to embrace where He has me—us.